we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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