when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
