Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
