Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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