You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize