Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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