He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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