Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
