There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
