Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
