Who wears a wallet chain?!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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