i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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