Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
