Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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