one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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