Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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