his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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