you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
