You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
