just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize