If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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