Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
