Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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