Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
