She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
