I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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