I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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