I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
