is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
sex in a hospital.. check
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
