so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I am mentally ready for anal.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
