Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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