nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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