Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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