Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
