He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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