I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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