Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
