Barsexuality is the new black.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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