Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
