he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We're too hungover to prance.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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