Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
