Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
