What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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