i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
