these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize