Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize