Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
