I haven't been this sober since birth.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
