He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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