take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
