you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
