I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
True strength comes from lack of pants
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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