I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
