I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
