i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
