Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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