Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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