do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
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