Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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