Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
