Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.

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(310): View more from California

she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator

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(707): View more from California

It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.

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(716): View more from New York

i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.

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(856): View more from New Jersey

FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!

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(574): View more from Indiana

I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes

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(404): View more from Georgia

I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick

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