Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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