do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
