Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
