I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
