I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
