Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
