I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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