guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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