I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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