Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
