So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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