Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
