it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize