i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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